Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
