My room smells like vodka and shame
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
