maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
