I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
