nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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