Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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