I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
