a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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