woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
