yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
