So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bring money and cleavage
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
