I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
