Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
