All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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