I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
