now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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