Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
