When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
