somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
