your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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