are you still at the devil's house?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So squirting runs in the family.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
