The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
