Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
