mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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