I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
