Dual....:-)
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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