I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
