I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
