I hope mine doesn't look like that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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