Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
