I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
