No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
