I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
