i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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