Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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