so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
