I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
