They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
