She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i will never coherently bang her
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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