I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
