just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
