Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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