Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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