Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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