I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
