do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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