operation harelip BJ is a go
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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