GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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