Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
