Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
