Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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