One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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