great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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