So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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