we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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