Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
