im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
