the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
