nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
