Define "chronic" masturbator.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
