We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
