There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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