38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
