I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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