It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
