The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love having hate sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
