that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
