One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
