a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
