the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
