her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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