reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
