i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
