just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
