I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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