I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
