When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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