i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
